humour / satire

2019 August

Happiness is right here

2019-08-04T21:30:10-04:00August 4th, 2019|Categories: Hamilton Spectator, Newspaper columns|Tags: , |0 Comments

The funny thing is that it’s some of the ridiculously cold countries – the freeze the snot on your nose northern nations – that are the happiest. This is what they say. You know. “They.” I just read a report on it. I don’t know. I prefer the beach, myself. Child Number 2, the laughing boy, told me the other morning about a beach in Mexico. “I want to go there,” he said.

2019 June

The upside of having your wallet stolen

2019-07-13T00:03:15-04:00June 22nd, 2019|Categories: Hamilton Spectator, Newspaper columns|Tags: , , , , |2 Comments

The latest news from this corner is that my wallet, soggy and laden with earth beetles, was found in a neighbour’s rock garden. The phone call came. “Are you Thomas Froese?” “Yes.” “I have your wallet.” It was handed to me in a plastic bag. Hard to say if this is good news or bad. It’s like someone finding a body.

2019 March

Hey, let’s talk about sex!

2019-06-20T14:06:51-04:00March 23rd, 2019|Categories: Hamilton Spectator, Newspaper columns|Tags: , , , , |6 Comments

In a few days the children’s mother and I are at a marriage retreat. It’s our first since I can’t remember when. The invitation, by fluke, came a day after I was propositioned to have an affair. Now, in this space, I don’t talk much about it, sex and all. This is because Mennonites didn’t even know what sex was until 1985,

2019 January

Seeing some things half clearly

2019-07-13T00:04:33-04:00January 19th, 2019|Categories: Hamilton Spectator|Tags: , , , , |10 Comments

"I see you're aging gracefully." This is what he, an old Canadian friend, now overseas, said after seeing my photo complete with beard and glasses. Oh, come on. Already? Now? So soon? Aging gracefully? Really? In truth, the beard comes and goes like pages of a calendar. I shave. I don't shave. My bride, that is my young

2017 December

For the love of a handwritten letter

2017-12-18T22:22:04-04:00December 2nd, 2017|Categories: Hamilton Spectator|Tags: , , , , |2 Comments

Today’s rumination is about the art of writing. Cursive. For the children out there, you’ll want to ask your parents or grandparents what this is, and how it all works, and why on God’s good earth anyone would involve themselves in it. I feel like a Neanderthal for even mentioning it, but since I’m older than I look I’ll tell you that when I

2017 April

A new holiday, just for talking animals. Really.

2017-05-12T19:55:37-04:00April 1st, 2017|Categories: Hamilton Spectator, Newspaper columns|Tags: , , , , , |2 Comments

One day Adam woke up and looked around and the place was his. He saw the animals. “Lion,” he said, in a manner of speaking. Then “lamb.” And so forth. They all had good relationships. They were at peace, lying around together. It was Eden.

2017 January

No more kids! (But their birthday cakes? Hmm.)

2017-04-10T19:40:48-04:00January 15th, 2017|Categories: Daily Dad|Tags: , , , |0 Comments

It’s been the never ending birthday for our youngest, Hannah, who needs little introduction. She’s the girl who gets in the papers when she becomes a Canadian citizen, the girl who honestly give thanks for her life (and for bypassing the other life she could have had), the girl who Providence shines on in the [...]